Until we bleed
by slashheart
Summary: Tony tries to kill himself multiple times. Gibbs finds Tony's diary and finds out why Tony is trying to hurt himself. Really bad summary. My first story!


Tony was passed out from the anti depressants the doctor gave him after his third attempt for a suicide. Gibbs was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed staring at Tony's diary.  
Tony's apartment was small and after the second try Gibbs was now living with Tony. Period.  
The diary was a leather book, looking old as hell but the handwriting in it was neat and well placed. It appeared to be written when Tony was in one of the boarding schools but there was stuff from before that. He flipped the first page open and started to read.  
*_The day my mom died was the worst day of my life! Dad became an alcoholic prick that doesn't care about me_*  
Gibbs knew all of this but still felt an ache in his chest knowing Tony was all alone back then. He flipped a couple more pages and read a little more.  
*_My frat brothers are awesome! I dunno what I'm gonna do when we finish collage._*  
He smiled a little. 'Now that's the Tony I love'  
Flipping almost to the end he found the date he was looking for.  
*12.04.2012  
I can't do this much longer knowing that he would never feel the same. I'm gonna end this today. Hopefully I will.*  
Gibbs remembered that day all to well.

Walking to the hospital he saw a crying Abby with her white t-shirt and hands covered in blood.  
"What happened Abs?" he whispered when he was next to her a hand firmly stroking her hair.  
"I was in his apartment bringing pizza for a movie night to surprise him but he didn't answer the door so I called him on the sell phone and it rang from the inside so I thought he was asleep or something so I unlocked the door with my key but he wasn't on the couch or in his room so I went to the bathroom..." her voice trailed of.  
"Abby talk to me!" Gibbs said with a little of his boss tone.  
"He tried to kill himself Gibbs..." she whispered unbelievably. "He cut his wrists... And there was so much blood... so I called 911 and tried to stop the blood but I couldn't. I..."  
Hugging the girl Gibbs kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear "He's gonna be okay. He's strong. He's gonna get passed this." Now all he had to do was believe it himself.

Gibbs shook his head. Couple more pages and the next big date.  
*_15.05.2012.  
I thought the pills the doctor gave me would make it go away, but they didn't. I felt better for a couple of days but that awful feeling came back. I feel empty again. Unloved. Alone. Someone is always at my place and it's driving me mad. Especially when he's here. I can't even look at him. Why cant they just leave me be. I don't want to live like this..._*

Gibbs found Abby crying over McGee's shoulder.  
"What happened Tim?"  
"He took sleeping pills, boss."  
"How much?"  
"The pill bottle was empty..." Abby whispered in Tim's shoulder.

After that Gibbs took time off and moved in Tony's apartment. The young man was doing fine from what Gibbs could tell. But he wasn't fine.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two weeks later Tony was asleep in his bed. The fridge was empty and Gibbs went to the store to buy some things. He was back in the apartment 15 minutes later only to find Tony lying on the bathroom floor with slit wrists.  
"No, no, no, no, no" Gibbs yelled running to him " Tony! Tony do you hear me? Stay with me Tony! Stay with me!" he called 911. When Gibbs got off the phone Tony was barely conscious. "Don't die on me Tony. I can't lose you. I love you Tony. Please stay with me..."  
Three days after that Gibbs found Tony's diary.  
*_07.06.2012  
He's driving me crazy being so nice and careful around me. So close and not being able to touch him to say that I love him without worrying what's going to happen. The fear of rejection. One last time hopefully._

_Gibbs if you're reading this I love you. Don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. Only I'm to blame. For falling for a person who can never feel the same way. I love you with all my soul. Life really is unfair, but you know that already.__  
Love until we bleed._ *

Gibbs didn't know how long he stared at the book. "All of this because of me..." he whispered into the dark room. "He loves me. I should have said it sooner."  
Turning around he sat on Tony's bed and took his hand squeezing it. Tony opened his eyes to meet Gibbs blue ones. "Hi." he whispered sleepily.  
"Hey.."  
Tony sat up on the bed "I'm sorry."  
Gibbs looked at him confused "For what Tony" he asked gently.  
"I didn't want you to find me. I didn't want you to see me like this. Ever." the younger man said looking at his hands. "I'm sorry"  
"Its okay." Gibbs shivered "Love until we bleed"  
Tony's eyes widened "What?"  
"Just something I reed in some book."  
"And which book was it?"  
"I think you know" Gibbs smiled shyly.  
"How'd you find it?" Tony asked.  
"Does it matter?" Gibbs raised his eyebrow.  
"No. I guess not." sigh. Tony lied down facing away from Gibbs.  
The elder moved closer a hand on his shoulder.  
"I love you. Always have, always will. I wish I've said it sooner." Tony turned around.  
"Me too" he whispered. Green eyes meet blue.  
Gibbs leaned forward grabbing Tony's lips for a kiss trying to express every piece of love he felt for the man.  
"I love you Jethro. I'm so sorry for what I put you through" Tony said and kissed him again.  
"I love you Tony" Gibbs whispered after the kiss broke. He kissed Tony's cheek to his ear. Hugging him tightly he whispered again "And the next time we bleed together."

**I was kinda depressed and this is what my mind came up with. My first story! Hope you liked it. Thanks so much to my betas AUM (AlTeRnAtE-UnIvErSe-MaStEr) and BGWhovian. These guys are awesome.**

**Until we bleed by Lykke Li is the song that I was listening to when I thought of this.**


End file.
